Relationsick

“This is a must-read book about relationships that can go awry, as many unfortunately do. These red flags are a guide to getting out of- or healing- toxic relationships before they make you sick.”

“My life’s experience supports all you write about and share. Times have changed due to our experience, and we need to wake up to our power and opportunity and experience the benefits.“

“For a very long time, we’ve been in the dark about how to navigate toxic undiagnosed behaviors in relationships. Finally, there’s science-backed evidence to help us understand what happens to our bodies, so we can begin to heal. This book is not just for those who are “one down” in relationships with unbalanced power dynamics, but also for those who are “one up,” so they might emerge from denial about the bodily harm, emotional repercussions, and mental health struggles caused by oppressive behaviors. At first, the title made me uncomfortable… but we all know what it’s like to feel like relationsick.“

“In Relationsick, Drs. Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger name a gnawing truth many of us would prefer to look away from, calling out how many of us are living inside immature oppressive relationships and systems that our bodies experience as unsafe, even when our brains call it love. This is and has made us individually, generationally, and communally sick. When oppressors steal our choice, we become “monsters in love,” and we carry this betrayal of consent in our nervous systems, in our bodies. The authors don’t shame or blame anyone for our relational trauma and the way it might lead to chronic or even life-threatening illness.

Instead, they offer us compassionate hope, challenging us to stop abandoning ourselves to maintain connection, to stop spiritually bypassing and calling it kindness, to stop overgiving and enabling and calling it intimacy. The wisdom they share encourages us and gives us tools to build relationships rooted in consent, dignity, and embodied truth. This book is a call to end the quiet violence of self-betrayal and to create real connection that doesn’t require it- as medicine for the body, mind, and soul.”

“In a world full of quick-fix promises, Relationsick shows us why trying to hack our way back to health doesn’t work. Instead, it offers us a roadmap to address perhaps the most critical part of our lives and wellbeing: our relationships. This is for anyone struggling with emotional or physical symptoms who is ready to take back their boundaries and their bodies, in order to heal—at last.” 

“Relationsick names something I have witnessed in thirty years of teaching intuitive intelligence: the body keeps an exact energetic accounting of every relationship where you abandoned yourself out of fear or to keep the peace. Give too much, too long, to people who take without reciprocating — and the body eventually sends the bill. Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger have written a brave, medically grounded book that finally connects the dots between chronic

overgiving and chronic illness, showing with precision how the relentless drain of unbalanced relationships disrupts the nervous system, dismisses the spirit, and opens the door to disease. This is not self-help. This is a reckoning. And for anyone who has ever given until there was nothing left — it may save your life.”

“I‘ve personally experienced the pain of narcissistic abuse, and it literally made me sick. If you can relate, I highly recommend this hopeful book. Lissa provides you with powerful tools to protect yourself, optimize your health, and ways to leave the relationship…to save your life.”

“Relationsick names a hidden epidemic with the precision it deserves: the way chronic overgiving, fawning, and relational inequality do not merely bruise the psyche, but alter physiology. This is what so many women and sensitive, caregiving humans have lived in their bodies for years without language for it. Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger have written a brave, wise, and urgently needed book about what happens when love asks you to disappear, and what healing requires if you are to return to yourself without hardening your heart.” 

‘The courageous authors of this book make it clear that relationships can cause or contribute to physical illness. This idea has been immensely unpopular among most physicians so it’s very gratifying to see two prominent doctors explain the evidence and mechanisms through which this can happen.  Despite the difficulty and challenging nature of the subject, this book is so well written that it’s easy to read. A page turner.”

“As a cult recovery specialist, I’ve witnessed countless cult survivors experience relationsickness; but we didn’t know what to call it. Thank goodness two trauma-informed doctors have finally given us language to describe what every survivor of a cult or of narcissistic abuse experiences — that the body bears a significant part of the burden we experience when someone is coercively controlling us.

Drawing on both their personal experiences with relational trauma and their knowledge as trauma-informed experts, Drs. Rankin and Rediger have developed an informed and compassionate guide to unpacking toxic relationship patterns, finding your boundaries, and creating new pathways to physical, mental and emotional wellness. This book is a groundbreaking and much-needed contribution to the recovery space. A must read — especially for survivors of cults and narcissistic abuse.”

“Who in the world ever thought that if you have a dumpkah of a husband, your medical problem might actually be a marital problem?  Well, now we know. With such kind clarity and an abundance of trauma-informed compassion for everyone involved, Drs. Rankin and Rediger give us the wake up call everyone seems to know in our bones but hasn’t quite had the courage to say out loud- that our bodies might speak to us about the safety, quality, and reciprocity in our relationships before our minds ever let us admit the truth. But don’t despair! These docs don’t leave us hanging. They give us a six step practical model to help us discern which relationships can be transformed, to help us heal, and which ones need to get the old heave ho.”

“What an important, practical book!  If we’re praying for healing while also over-giving in unbalanced or oppressive relationships, we’ve got one foot on the gas and one on the brakes. With a clear road map that shows us how to either rebalance our relationships- or leave- Drs. Rankin and Rediger help us deeply heal relational trauma.  Often our bodies follow with better outcomes as well.”

“The authors do a masterful job of weaving together multiple different strands of research and clinical findings about the relationships between trauma and health. The clinical examples that they use to illustrate the science make the book come alive, and will make it accessible to the general public. As we continue to learn about the life-long effects on our biopsychosocial and spiritual well-being from childhood trauma, particularly the subtle forms of such trauma, a book like this one adds to the resources for clinicians and their clients.”

“Having known Lissa, learned from her, taught alongside her, and witnessed her continued evolution, I can say with full confidence that this book is something special. Relationsick is timely, raw, and deeply honest—but more than that, it’s profoundly wise. The authors have a rare ability to translate complex emotional and relational dynamics into something both accessible and transformative. This book challenges our assumptions about what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like and feel like, while offering grounded, compassionate guidance for creating something entirely new. Because the truth is, life itself is relationship—and most of us were never given the tools to truly master it. Relationsick begins to change that. This isn’t just a book you read. It’s a book that works on you.”